Suppressed?!

So far this cycle has been easy-peasy. Other than the side effects from the Lupron, there hasn't been much to complain about. We are exactly three weeks away from transfer day & I am starting to look forward to the possibilities this cycle may bring.

Some of you have asked how many embryos we are going to transfer with 4 frosties left & up until now we hadn't really decided. But after talking it over with our RE & the hubby & not being able to come to a decision we are going to leave it in the hands of God - so to speak.

The RE would like to see us transfer 3. We aren't really comfortable with that many & would like to only transfer 2. So we have decided to thaw the 2 best embryos first & if they both make it then those are the 2 we transfer. If one of them doesn't make it then we have asked that they thaw the other two & we will transfer how ever many survive the thaw. That could be 3 or it could be 1 or could even be none. For reasons I can't really explain, I would rather not leave one little lonely frostie behind so that is why we would thaw them all if one doesn't make it. What I am hoping & praying will happen is the first two make it through the thaw & then we will have 2 frosties left for another chance down the road. Time will tell...

This morning I had my labs drawn so that they can be sure I am "suppressed" enough before I start the estrogen patches on Friday.

I just got the call that my Estradiol was <20 which is good but my progesterone was slightly elevated. They want to see it <1.0 & mine was 1.1 - hardly enough to call it elevated in my opinion! So I have been instructed to increase the Lupron from 10 to 20 units & recheck levels Friday morning. Not too thrilled about increasing the Lupron but I guess I have no choice. If my levels come back within range on Friday then I can start decreasing the Lupron & start the Estrogen patches. Cross your fingers!

I also started my acupuncture sessions back up today - oh how I have missed these appointments! I had forgotten how relaxing they are & how good I feel afterwards! I plan on going once a week up until FET, will do a session the day of & the day after FET & will continue throughout the 1st trimester if I am lucky enough to get PG. It's too bad acupuncture is so expensive because I would definitely be going a lot more than just once a week!

Update

So far I have completed 3 weeks of BCP & am on Day 5 of Lupron injections. My boobs are enormous, I have a headache that won't quit, I am irritable, cranky & the hot flashes/night sweats have begun. To say I am a moody bitch is an understatement. My husband is dealing with it the best he can & I am sure he is thankful he works nights! He is truly a saint for putting up with my hormonal craziness. Oh how I love that man.

Tomorrow will be my last BCP. And as much as the hubby has enjoyed looking at my new D-cups, I am SO looking forward to getting back to my C's :) I will be staying on the Lupron for another 2 weeks so that is sure to be fun & then the PIO injections & suppositories begin - more fun.

We are now exactly 4 weeks away until transfer day. Getting closer....

Benefits

Got to sleep in this morning & arose out of bed at 9am. The hubby greeted me with a hug & a "Happy Furry-Mother's Day" along with a cup of coffee - such a sweet guy! I also got tons of smooches from the furry's! I then proceeded to sit down with my coffee, outside on the patio with the birds chirping, the sun bright & do some blogging. Ahhhh - fabulous morning :)

The day is now coming to an end as I sit here enjoying my evening on the patio, I think about the meaning of today & how it is a special day to honor mom's. Unfortunately, it is also a day that brings a bitter reminder to all those who have suffered through infertility & loss.

This time last year I was upset, sad & felt devastated that I wasn't yet a mom. This year I don't have quite the negative feelings but it does still bother me. Somehow I feel a bit mellower about the whole situation - maybe it's because I have been dealing with infertility for so long!? Or maybe it's because I have changed my attitude!? Or maybe it's because I have grown to realize that it is what it is & I can't change the cards that have been dealt to me?!

Regardless of what it is, lately I have decided to do away with my "poor-me" attitude & instead enjoy this childless life I live rather than resent it. I have come to realize that there are many benefits to having children, but on the flip side, there are just as many to NOT having them & I am going to enjoy these benefits until my status changes. My sister (who is a mother of 2 boys - 3 & 1 yrs old) is always reminding me of these benefits:

1. Sleeping in on weekends!

2. Ability to spend money freely – have you seen my Coach purse collection?!

3. I can choose to work late nights & take extra call on weekends & not feel guilty about it.

4. I can spend many summer evenings on the patio reading or blogging with the furry's beside me.

5. The hubby & I can go out for lunch/dinner & enjoy the company of just the two of us.

6. I am able to spend time doing the hobbies I love by myself - reading, gardening, shopping, etc.

7. I can meet the girls after work for dinner or a quick drink on any given evening.

8. My car is always clean & if it is dirty it is because of me & me only!

9. I can lay around on a lazy Sunday & watch movies ALL DAY if I want!

10. When I leave the house, all I need are my keys & my purse & I am out the door in 2 minutes.

11. I can plan weekend getaway's with my hubby or girlfriends at any time.

12. I can enjoy late "game-night" with the girls every month while enjoying a cocktail or two because I know I get to sleep in the next morning!

Now don't get me wrong - I enjoy my child-free "benefits" LOTS & some might even be envious of the life we lead, but don't think I wouldn't gladly trade all of it in a skinny minute if it meant I could be a mother. Maybe this time next year I will get to be so truly blessed but until then, I will continue to enjoy my life children-free & be "mom" to my furry's that love me so unconditionally.

With that said, I want to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful women in my family - especially my own mother, to all my girlfriend's who are mom's & mom's-to-be, to all the other honorary mom's out there & we can't forget all us "pet" mom's :) May you all enjoy this beautiful day with those that matter most to you!

Hugs to you all,
HT :)
Me & my mom

Results

Just got the lab results of my 13 vials of blood they drew on me last week - aka: auto-immune & RPL panel.

Normal.

Every single one of them was within normal limits.

As relieved as I am to not have a clotting disorder, diabetes, lupus, thyroid issues or any other auto-immune or clotting problems, I am disappointed that there wasn't something definite found to explain WHY I can't get pregnant :(

Turns out I'm about as normal as you can get & so the diagnosis stays the same - crappy eggs + crappy reserve = crappy cycle. So we will see what Dr. B says about the results & see if she still wants to put me on heparin or Lovenox come transfer time!? At this point, what do we have to lose???

CD 1 - here.we.go

Today is CD 1. So you know what that means - time to get another cycle started :)

I called my NP to let her know AF has made her appearance & she sent me the calendar for our FET cycle. If everything goes as planned, we are looking to do the transfer on June 21st. That seems SO far away to me but I am sure the time will fly by - at least I am hoping it does!?

So here is the timeline:
5/3: start BCP
5/19: start Lupron injections
5/24: last BCP & continue Lupron
5/31: suppression check
6/3: start Estrogen patches
6/14: uterine lining check
6/15: last Lupron injection & begin Progesterone
6/21: transfer day :)

So let the mood swings, the headaches, the hot flashes, the night sweats, the irritableness & the "Lupron Fog" begin. Because this time.....this time we are going to kick IF's ass :)